thefinaljedi | Appointments

[Not long after dawn Anakin felt the familiar approach of his son. He had been up for hours already. On pretense of checking the droids at the direct opposite end of the farm, Anakin left his seat at his workbench before Luke arrived.

It was easier this way, he told himself that lie in hopes that someday he would eventually believe it. But no, it wasn't easier, Anakin wanted to know his son and be a part of his life, so pushing him away now was a special kind of torture. But he couldn't logic his way around what he felt he needed to do.

And besides, those droids on the far end of the farm really needed to be checked on.]

[Luke felt it too, and he just wasn't having any more of it. Crossing the farm wasn't difficult. With the Force quickening his steps, he arrived shortly after his father and called out.]

Anakin. We should talk about something.

[It did not escape Anakin's notice how deliberately and quickly Luke caught up to him. And he would be lying if it didn't prick some irritation, avoiding someone shouldn't be more difficult than it already was.

Though, he couldn't entirely blame Luke.

He quashed his feelings and turned to address Luke.]

"I don't have time right now."

[Which was, admittedly, the weakest excuse he could come up with. Because he filled his days doing odd jobs on a farm that was already well maintained.]

[Luke's eyebrow climbed and he shook his head.]

You do. You're just avoiding me, and I want to know why. Did I do something?

[Well that does cut through Anakin's plan to turn and get back to his 'work'. He can't let Luke continue to believe that.]

"No, that's not- No, Luke you didn't do anything."

Then what is it?

[Luke knows. Oh, he knows. He's been there, a year avoiding Kyle and Mara, but...he can't let Anakin go on believing the same thing.]

"Because, I can't... know you. I can't have attachments."

[Not that he didn't want them. But wanting wasn't always right.

Why did he think he could do this? When Padme had told him she was pregnant he didn't once pause to consider how he would negatively affect someone's life in this way. He'd always thought Master Mundi's declaration that the Cerean was not at all attached to his wives or children was a certain kind of cruelty. Anakin just never thought he'd been trying to force that same cold distance on some he cared about.

But here he was...]

"I'm sorry. You know I can't."

Attachments? What are you talking about?

[Luke quirked his head to one side.]

That's not true at all. And it's no way for anyone to live. Much less a Jedi.

“Jedi aren’t supposed to have attachments.”

[But should this restriction really only be limited to Jedi? There was nothing about being in the Order that suddenly made one more vulnerable to the temptations of the Dark Side as compared to those Force-practitioners on the outside. Anakin would still have the same tendencies whether or not he left, so really, he just shouldn’t have attachments.

He felt his logic was sound.]

“It’s not a matter of what’s desirable, just what I’m supposed to do.”

And why is that?

[Luke couldn't help but press. He knew what Obi-Wan's order had taught, and he simply couldn't agree with it. It was foolish, denying a huge part of oneself, and ultimately the Force.]

Are attachments not also part of the Force? Isn't the very nature of a Force Bond between master and apprentice an attachment? And is that not something created by the Force?

No, Anakin. That's not why you're avoiding me. Or you wouldn't have spoken to me when I was young.

[Anakin shook his head. He didn’t know what Luke was talking about exactly, but it sounded like the direct opposite of what he would be allowed to have.]

“Masters and apprentices are allowed a closer connection because that’s… that’s how instruction works. But they still are not allowed to form attachments to one another. When a Padawan advances in rank their relationship with their Master is over. They aren’t supposed to stay close.”

[He knew as he said that he was painting himself a hypocrite. He was far closer to Obi-Wan than he had a right to be. Just another tally mark under the score for his list of failures to keep to the Code.

The same with spending time with his son when Luke was made younger.

He down and away.]

“I shouldn’t have done that. I know I should have found Obi-Wan or Padmé to help you, but I just wanted-”

[He stopped himself because his wants weren’t supposed to matter here, doing what was right was what mattered.]

“I’m sorry.”

Anakin. What you did was perfectly right. I am your son, and I'm grateful to have the chance to get to know you. What's more, what you want is perfectly right and reasonable. It's the Force Bond between us.

[Luke stepped closer, setting his jaw.]

Your bond with me is what saved the entire galaxy, in my time. The idea that attachments are some how bad is something utterly against the very nature of the Force. It surrounds us all, binds us together. Without those bonds there is no Force. Attachments do not lead to the Dark Side. Denying them does. Force Bonds, the connection between family and friends, are an essential part of being a Jedi. If you can't understand and connect with the people you're supposed to be protecting, then how can you protect them at all?

[Another blunt statement just stumbles out. One he believes with all his heart.]

The old code is wrong, Anakin. Setting ourselves apart like that does far more harm than good.

[Anakin wanted to believe everything Luke was saying but his own education was denouncing it as blasphemous. It was even a little concerning because some of these things were the same things he’d tried telling himself to justify his own choices: how could someone truly help and protect others if they weren’t filled first with love and compassion for the people they were serving? The Code must be wrong…

But he couldn’t look past how his reasoning had led him right to Palpatine’s side. Palpatine had exploited that, and, oh, how Anakin had wanted to believe the things that man had said, too. Wanted to believe so badly he’d considered sacrificing the wellbeing of a whole galaxy to make it true.]

“Luke, I fall because I am attached to Padmé. And I shouldn’t be. Look what I will do!” [He sounds desperate, somewhere between believing this was right and trying convince himself it was. And not knowing what other options he had.] "I don't save a galaxy, I destroy it."

“That cost is too high to risk for my own selfishness- I can’t do that. Not again. It’s too dangerous. I’m too dangerous.”

No, you don't. [Luke takes another step closer, fully opening himself to the Force as he'd done so long ago on the Death Star, practically radiating positive thoughts. It'd worked before, there was no reason he shouldn't at least try this again.]

You fall because Palpatine nudges you at a vulnerable point. You fall because he exploits something that you've been taught to fear. You fall because he had been manipulating you and the entire Jedi Order for decades. Attachments are the net that's bound together the Jedi in my time, and the only reason the Galaxy isn't still under Palpatine's thumb, not the cause of it's destruction. You destroy him, to save my life. Your emotions, your attachment to me, pulls you away from the Dark Side.

[Planting his feet, he stands as tall as he can (so not very) and folds his arms in front of him. Reaching out, he filled the space between them with as much positive emotion as he possibly could, a torrent of light and love that only family could share.]

Whoever told you that you were dangerous, because of your emotions? Is just wrong. Your emotions are your strength, and mine and Leia's as well. Passion runs deep in our family. It runs deep in all the Jedi. And that doesn't make them any more or less dangerous. Denying that passion, shutting out those connections? Is more dangerous. Anyone who tries to tell you that you're dangerous? Just because you have feelings? Is a fool. Love is not dangerous. Love is the very essence of life, of the Force. Love binds us, holds us together, makes us whole.

And you have more love than anyone else I've ever met.

Which is why there isn't a single person in any universe I'd trust with my life more than you. The Hero with No Fear. My father. Anakin Skywalker.

Edited 2014-09-25 23:25 (UTC)

[Anakin had been bracing to endure his own escaping flood of emotions but he failed to prepare for anything from Luke.

Everything – Luke’s argument, his presence in the Force, those overwhelming emotions – took Anakin by surprise.

He couldn’t say anything. There was too much to say, too many feelings and ideas to sort out and make sense of. Not in a single moment, he couldn’t.

But love, he could recognize that out of everything else. And perhaps right now that was all he needed to understand. Luke loved him unconditionally. And wouldn’t tolerate censure of those feelings; nor would he grant Anakin permission to do it to himself.

That love stung Anakin’s eyes and stilled his tongue and rooted him to where he stood so that the only thing he could do was accept it.]

[And as Anakin stands there speechless, Luke smiles and moves closer, pulling his father into a warm, two handed hug. The feelings coming out of the other man were telling enough. Words weren't really necessary, and Luke feels he's finally managed to break through some of the mental barriers there.

But...it needs to be said.]

If I haven't said it before, I love you, Anakin. Father.

[This was more that Anakin didn’t know how to process. He was used to a total of two individuals telling him they loved him – his mother and Padmé. Ahsoka never said it, Obi-Wan certainly never said it.

And then there was the hug. Again, he was used to so few people initiating a hug with him (which was different from him initiating the hug, which he did with slightly more frequency). Again, his mother and Padmé. He could count on one hand the number of times Ahsoka had hugged him. And he couldn’t think of Obi-Wan ever hugging him instead of it being something Anakin started.

To say he was touch and affection deprived was putting it mildly.

Now it was here, literally and figuratively in front of him. He floundered for a moment, taken by the shock of Luke embracing him without much warning – or much warning Anakin could recognized with his limited experience with such emotionally expressive things. But then he brought up his hands to return the hug.

Acceptance was a sign he was moving in the right direction.]

“I love you too, Luke.” [His voice was thick with emotion, but it was a good place to start talking again.]

“I- thank you.”

[The hands on his back felt right and good. Luke pulled back slightly, grinning at him. More positive emotions just continued to radiate out of him, keeping up the steady barrage of love and joy.]

You're welcome. And thank you.

"For what?" [Anakin couldn't think of what he'd done to garner gratitude.]

For being my father, obviously.

[Luke grinned wider and hugged him again.]

[That was less obvious than Luke thought. At least for Anakin.]

"But I'm- I will be a terrible father. I don't-" [Understand. He spoke while Luke pulled him into a hug again, and the words came out of him broken from the motion of the hug.]

[Luke shook his head and replied with the absolute truth.]

No. You saved my life. And Leia's, Han's...the entire Rebellion. You're a fine father. [He lets himself chuckle slightly.]

And you gave me ice cream the other day. What more could a child from Tatooine ask for?

[Oh, I don't know, Luke, how about an actual father around daily to take care of routine needs and chase away childhood fears and to applaud accomplishments and give encouragement. Being for Luke and Leia what he'd been for Ahsoka...

Saving Luke at the last moment was a good thing, yes, but what about the rest?]

"I can't ignore the other things I'll do like that. Leia told me what else I'll do-" [He's blissfully ignorant of many of the things on the long list of his future atrocities.] "That's not- I won't be a fine father."

[Ehh...Luke learned long ago to live with what he can get. That's really all there is to it.]

Anakin. That's still just a possible future. Right here, right now? You have a chance to be the father you want to be. Have a family, like I know you want. And maybe we'll find a way to change that possible future.

I said it before, and I meant it. Love can change the course of history, Anakin. And we don't know what might come out of this world, when we break free. But it can't just be nothing. I refuse to believe that coming here is meaningless, when it gives me more time to spend with you and mother, with Leia and Han. With Ami...and everyone else.

There's more going on here, or we wouldn't be here. [There...has to be.]

[Anakin stepped back. Hope was more elusive for Anakin still. As well as forgiveness, he was always highly critical of his failures… when he recognized and accepted them.]

“I can’t pick out the pieces of the future that are good-” [And Anakin did struggle to see them as ‘good’ verses ‘base-line decent’ or ‘too little too late’.] “and ignore the rest just so I can feel better. That’s dishonest to you, and your sister. And Padmé.

“If the parts you liked happened- if you can point them and say ‘see, you’re good’ and encourage me to accept them – well, the other parts happened, too. I can’t… unmix them.”

Appointments

Action - 9/25

Action - 9/25

Re: Action - 9/25

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