thefinaljedi | Appointments

[And as Anakin stands there speechless, Luke smiles and moves closer, pulling his father into a warm, two handed hug. The feelings coming out of the other man were telling enough. Words weren't really necessary, and Luke feels he's finally managed to break through some of the mental barriers there.

But...it needs to be said.]

If I haven't said it before, I love you, Anakin. Father.

[This was more that Anakin didn’t know how to process. He was used to a total of two individuals telling him they loved him – his mother and Padmé. Ahsoka never said it, Obi-Wan certainly never said it.

And then there was the hug. Again, he was used to so few people initiating a hug with him (which was different from him initiating the hug, which he did with slightly more frequency). Again, his mother and Padmé. He could count on one hand the number of times Ahsoka had hugged him. And he couldn’t think of Obi-Wan ever hugging him instead of it being something Anakin started.

To say he was touch and affection deprived was putting it mildly.

Now it was here, literally and figuratively in front of him. He floundered for a moment, taken by the shock of Luke embracing him without much warning – or much warning Anakin could recognized with his limited experience with such emotionally expressive things. But then he brought up his hands to return the hug.

Acceptance was a sign he was moving in the right direction.]

“I love you too, Luke.” [His voice was thick with emotion, but it was a good place to start talking again.]

“I- thank you.”

[The hands on his back felt right and good. Luke pulled back slightly, grinning at him. More positive emotions just continued to radiate out of him, keeping up the steady barrage of love and joy.]

You're welcome. And thank you.

"For what?" [Anakin couldn't think of what he'd done to garner gratitude.]

For being my father, obviously.

[Luke grinned wider and hugged him again.]

[That was less obvious than Luke thought. At least for Anakin.]

"But I'm- I will be a terrible father. I don't-" [Understand. He spoke while Luke pulled him into a hug again, and the words came out of him broken from the motion of the hug.]

[Luke shook his head and replied with the absolute truth.]

No. You saved my life. And Leia's, Han's...the entire Rebellion. You're a fine father. [He lets himself chuckle slightly.]

And you gave me ice cream the other day. What more could a child from Tatooine ask for?

[Oh, I don't know, Luke, how about an actual father around daily to take care of routine needs and chase away childhood fears and to applaud accomplishments and give encouragement. Being for Luke and Leia what he'd been for Ahsoka...

Saving Luke at the last moment was a good thing, yes, but what about the rest?]

"I can't ignore the other things I'll do like that. Leia told me what else I'll do-" [He's blissfully ignorant of many of the things on the long list of his future atrocities.] "That's not- I won't be a fine father."

[Ehh...Luke learned long ago to live with what he can get. That's really all there is to it.]

Anakin. That's still just a possible future. Right here, right now? You have a chance to be the father you want to be. Have a family, like I know you want. And maybe we'll find a way to change that possible future.

I said it before, and I meant it. Love can change the course of history, Anakin. And we don't know what might come out of this world, when we break free. But it can't just be nothing. I refuse to believe that coming here is meaningless, when it gives me more time to spend with you and mother, with Leia and Han. With Ami...and everyone else.

There's more going on here, or we wouldn't be here. [There...has to be.]

[Anakin stepped back. Hope was more elusive for Anakin still. As well as forgiveness, he was always highly critical of his failures… when he recognized and accepted them.]

“I can’t pick out the pieces of the future that are good-” [And Anakin did struggle to see them as ‘good’ verses ‘base-line decent’ or ‘too little too late’.] “and ignore the rest just so I can feel better. That’s dishonest to you, and your sister. And Padmé.

“If the parts you liked happened- if you can point them and say ‘see, you’re good’ and encourage me to accept them – well, the other parts happened, too. I can’t… unmix them.”

[Inwardly, Luke reminds himself to take it one step at a time.]

I'm not asking for that. I'm just asking for you to just...I guess not worry so much about what might be and focus more on what is.

We've gotten a chance to do some good here, for the people trapped here and possibly for ourselves.

[Anakin didn’t have an answer ready for Luke. He just knew, as much as Luke wanted him to be at that point, he wasn’t. His emotions sparked like wild fire on dry tinder, calming them down was also the same, it took tremendous amount of effort and resources and time.

What a monumental paradigm shift that was before Anakin – he wasn’t inherently evil or dangerous, his emotions didn’t make him so. Luke believed it. It was something Anakin wanted to believe, too. And that was a difference from before this conversation started – a glimmer of hope for something not so dark.

The problem was, he didn’t feel it. He had years of mistakes to prove Luke to the contrary. Years of lessons at the Temple pushing back against Luke – the influence of those lessons didn’t vanish in the blink of one adamant speech. And those last few weeks back in their universe, Anakin had been spending all his time with Palpatine… it seemed like they just wouldn’t release their hold on his mind.

Better than before, but a long, uphill battle still yet to go.]

“I can’t-” [He held up a hand, shaking his head.] “What you’re asking– not yet. I need… [More time, he needed more time. More time to digest the radical way Luke viewed everything about Anakin. More time to make them his own ideas.]

“Just, not yet.”

[Luke holds up a placating hand, shaking his head with a wry smile.]

Take all the time you need. If you feel like talking, you know I'll listen. If you need an outside opinion, I may even had one of those for you.

Just know that I'm here for you, so is Obi-Wan.

[Anakin eventually nodded.]

"I should get back to the droids." [Which wasn't an excuse to get Luke to leave, but a step in a healthy direction for him - working on droids meant he was trying to manage his emotions. And he did have a new perspective to analyze right now.]

Yeah. And I should tend to Hamal. Big guy is a handful.

[He grinned.]

I'll come by to check on you later, okay? Don't work too hard.

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