thefinaljedi | Appointments

They...altered them slightly. She believes she's royalty, from a system-wide kingdom in her reality's past. And that you, I, and the others from our world are knights or nobility from a different solar system.

[Simple enough an answer for a very, very complicated and loaded topic. He doesn't really want to discuss what he knows about Mercury and the Moon Kingdom, or Ami's reincarnated status...it's not his secret to tell.]

It's not as bad as it sounds, as she's able to live like she normally would.

[Not as bad? Anakin would have taken greater offense if Padmé’s memories had been altered. Or if Luke’s, or Obi-Wan’s, Ahsoka’s, Leia’s. But that just reminded him how far he was distancing himself, out of need, from those he cared about.]

Oh… It’s good that she’s back. [Not sure of what else to say, he turned back to the droid he was working on.]

[Luke nods and turns to his sharpening for a few moments before the silence really starts to get to him. After a long breath, he speaks up again. Not really sure what else to say, he just...says...something.]

How've you been, out here?

[Anakin stayed focused on the droid.]

“I’ve upgraded most of the droids and have been monitoring their performance to make sure the upgrades didn’t affect other systems. And I organized and cleaned the tools in here. Fixed a few that were broken or needed calibration.”

[He didn’t mean to miss the point of the question. He’d just been trained to not talk about his feelings.]

I meant you, personally. Not the work you've done.

[Honestly, that was something that bothered him so much about the older Order. That...denial...of self.]

[Anakin paused his work and looked up at Luke for a handful of seconds trying to parse out Luke’s meaning.]

I’m… unharmed. There’s not anything dangerous on the farm. If I did have an accident I have enough healing talent to address it and if necessary get to the clinic if it’s severe enough.

[He probably should be sleeping more, but he didn’t see how that was possible anymore. He couldn’t close his eyes without imaging the future, not unless he was so exhausted he was asleep the moment his eyes closed. And that meant pushing himself. Usually until he just feel asleep where he sat.]

[Stars above, Anakin. How thick are you? Luke turns away from his tools completely, and nods once, a little jerk of his head. He's been worried about Anakin for weeks now, but he hadn't wanted to press. He absolutely, positively didn't want to push. But the sense of pain, the feeling that he'd been pushing himself and avoiding his family, all of it? Was just too much for Luke to keep letting it pass on by.]

And when do you plan on returning home, Anakin?

[Anakin wasn’t sure the reason for the spike in Luke’s irritation. He was talking to him, a great step above avoiding him, wasn’t that what Luke wanted? Clearly there was something Anakin was missing.

But that question...

He set down the droid to give Luke his full attention.]

I don’t, Luke. I’m not planning on returning.

[Luke shook his head, lowering his eyes and mastering himself and his emotions as best he could. He was trying, really, to give his father the nudge he'd need.]

You should. Mother misses you terribly. As do I.

I know she does. I know you do.

[It felt good to hear Luke say that. It was good to know people cared and to have it confirmed.

But was that enough?

Sometimes after learning a truth like the one about Anakin’s future, things just aren’t ever the same as they were before. Ignorance had been bliss, but they had neither anymore, and Anakin couldn’t just pretend.

His reasons for staying away were many. He was dangerous, no more ignoring that now, a timed bomb set to go off, only he didn’t know when. He didn’t want to hurt anyone he cared about, but if it was a choice between heart ache and physically harming them, the former was his choice.

What uneven planes this put him on compared to everyone else. He would always be marked separate, and not part of the whole of their group. He carried a distinction now; he didn’t want it, no one wanted him to have it, but it was there and he couldn’t erase it, and they couldn’t erase it. Every new arrival from their universe would bring it up and he would be weighed and measure and judge against his future again and again, just as it was happening right now.

He knew Leia didn’t feel about him the way Luke did. He didn’t fault her for it. But he knew as long as she didn’t consider him family and didn’t want him there he couldn’t live in the same home as her.

As much as he tried to will away his emotions, he couldn’t. That had always been his handicap – such potential, such power, if only he could be a better Jedi. But his emotions were there, and he couldn’t deny they would make living with him through processing what he now knew keenly difficult.

Each reason stacked up against the other, until they were a wall stretch between him and Luke’s request.]

I’m sorry, I just... can’t.

Yes, you can.

[Luke's voice remained steady, but he could feel that wall forming, like something tangible. He couldn't conceive of a way that Anakin shouldn't be able to return home, other than his own stubbornness. He always felt like he had to separate himself, but really that was the last thing he should be doing. Running away? Pushing others away? That was exactly what Palpatine had wanted.]

Together, all of us...we can work together, we should be. That's what families do.

[And if part of that family didn’t consider him family?]

Luke, you can’t speak for anyone but yourself. I’m not going.

[There's a sudden twist of anguish in his sense, an unrelated shock of sadness. Luke frowns, his eyebrow faintly twitching. He's honestly tired of beating his head against this wall, time after time. And now, right now? With memories of Arya and Chouji and Trisha at their most clear? He's not in the mood for it, and if the discussion goes on much longer, he won't be capable of maintaining composure.]

As you say, Father.

[Anakin didn’t have years behind him dealing with this, he didn’t even have a full month yet. This wasn’t something a person just got over on simple request. There were no on demand resolutions here, and it was unfair to expect him to be over it and compliant by now.

Everything Anakin understood about himself, his place in everything, and what he should now do was in question. This required time and patience, and acceptance that something just couldn’t be worked out or wouldn’t be the same – if they were ever even right and peaceful to begin with instead of a murky morass of resentment covered by a veneer of pretend.

Anakin could tell his response was not favorable. But he didn’t feel like he could pry beyond what Luke was showing him. And the signals Anakin was receiving was that everything was now awkward in a whole new way.

This was probably a good moment to leave.]

I’m going to go check on the droids in the fields.

[He pushed back from the work station and headed out.]

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